Make Sense Heart

Make Sense - Heart

“Make Sense – Heart”  provides the opportunity to steadily keep opening our heart and practice listening to and expressing what really matters, that which carries the meaning, that which truly makes sense.

To a large degree it is created around the principles of Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication.

As in the other parts we start by opening up to what is in common, and then creatively transcending it in a manner capable of bringing about all-win solutions.

How to Play It

4 levels

2 – 5-ish players

There are four levels and they should be concluded in order.

Click on the + sign next to Level 1 to expand and read its content.  There you will find the specific instructions for that level and at the bottom of the instructions you will see a flash card.  Click on it to start with the first question of the game.

General Instructions

The purpose is to learn to listen past judgement or even possible insult for what truly matters, and then respond to it with an open heart.

LEVEL 1 INSTRUCTIONS

Pick the first card and have each player express what they appreciate about the content of the card.

Pick the second card and have everyone express two things they appreciate about what is written on the card.

Pick the third card and express three things, a fourth and express four things, and finally a fifth card and have everyone express five things they appreciate about the contents of that card.

PICK AN APPRECIATION CARD

(by clicking on the card below)

Previous Card of Next

Purpose Note:  This hones the skill of finding what is positive and it simultaneously starts opening the heart.  It is an empowering practice, especially when you are upset.  It shines a light on the ladder in the hole, bringing hope and a direction.

LEVEL 2 INSTRUCTIONS

Have the first person pick a Feelings Card and express how they feel.  You may use the list of feelings provided below.

Avoid assigning any blame to anyone or anything.

A second person will then listen and check if what is being expressed is a genuine feeling or if it also contains some level of blame.  You may use the list of improper feelings to help you check for sneaked in accusations.  

If the second person feels like the first person is blaming someone or something, or using any of the accusations masquerading as feelings, they will ask the first person to try again.

Then, once there are no accusations, the second person will repeat back to the first person what they heard them say.

If the first person agrees with the statement they will say “That´s it” and the games moves on.

Now the second person responds to the same Feelings Card and expresses a feeling while the first person checks and repeats.

If there are only two players then the first picks another card, and so forth until both players have expressed at least 5 feelings.

If there are more players you can go around in a circle responding to the first Feelings Card, having the next in line be the one who checks and repeats and the first person will check and repeat for the last person in the circle.

PICK A LEVEL 2 CARD

(by clicking on the card below)

Previous Card of Next

Purpose Note:  This makes it easier to actually perceive what we feel, and express it in a way that is not automatically taken as an attack.  This is an essential part of a deeply meaningful win-win communication.

LEVEL 3 INSTRUCTIONS

On this level we build on the previous one.

Pick a card and the first person starts by expressing what they felt and what they needed at that time.

The second person listens and objects if any of it sounds like blame.  Otherwise they repeat the feeling and the need back to the first person.

If the first person agrees that this is in fact what they felt and needed they say “That´s it”.

To facilitate you may use the list of needs.

Then the second person expresses their feeling and needs based on the first card and the first person (or the next person in the circle, if there are more) responds by checking and repeating.

PICK A LEVEL 3 CARD

(by clicking on the card below)

Previous Card of Next

Purpose Note:  This allows us to quickly identify what is important to us, our feelings and needs, and express them in a non-demanding way.  It also makes it easier to hear it from others.

LEVEL 4 INSTRUCTIONS

This is the most challenging level and it builds on the two previous ones.  The goal is to listen for feelings and needs even when they are not clearly expressed.

Inspired by the list below, the first person will tell a victim story or a disempowering story of blame.

The second person should try to identify what the person was actually feeling and what they may have needed.

The second person asks the first person:

  • “Is ….. what you were feeling?”

If this is correct the first person responds “That´s it”.  If not they will explain further.  To which the second person will again try to ask, until they get the right feeling.

Then the second person will ask:

  • “Were you needing to …….?”

If this is correct, then the first person will respond “That´s it”.  If not they will explain what they needed until the second person correctly identifies it.

Now that it has been identified the first person gets to tell exactly the same story, but in an empowered manner, without sounding like a victim or blaming others.

The second person listens to it.  And if they feel that there is no victimhood or blame they say “That´s it”.

Now the second person tells a victim story or a story of blame and the first person tries to identify the feeling and need.  Or, if there are more people the 3rd person tries to identify it.

Each person gets to tell five victim or blame stories.

Here is an example of an interaction:

Person 1:  When I was in school we had a room with disco music and disco lights that we would visit on lunch breaks.  I was drawn to it.  And one day I danced but the people in my class started laughing and pointing at me.  They stopped me from pursuing my passion and I did not dare to dance for the next six years.

Person 2:  Did you feel ashamed when you danced?

Person 1:  Yes, that´s it, ashamed.

Person 2:  Were you needing to feel inclusion and approval, feeling like you mattered?

Person 1:  Yes, that´s it.

So, we had this disco room in our school and one day I tried to dance.  As my peers laughed and pointed fingers at me I started to feel ashamed.  This makes me realise how desperately I was looking for approval, even among immature teens.  Because of it I now clearly realise how important it is for me to have a stable sense of my value, in myself.  And, of course I would not be expected to be good at dancing the first time I tried it.  I can now see that it was courageous of me to try and how strong my passion for dancing actually was.  

Use the following for your Victim Stories:

 

Purpose Note:  By honing the skill of listening past blame we gain the superpower of reaching another person in a deeply meaningful manner.  By learning to re-tell our previous victim stories we may be inspired to exceptional growth.

Congratulations! Try your new skills out on people in your surroundings, focusing on and responding to feelings and needs, as opposed to accusatory or insulting interpretations of words, and note what changes.

I recommend you take a further look into Non-Violent Communication and Marshall Rosenberg  (There are wonderful lectures by him online).

Do let me know your feedback through the contact page or @BasiasThoughts on Instagram.

Also, make sure you play “Make Sense – Mind” and “Make Sense – Senses” , so that you can gain a deeper and more well rounded and meaningful experience in all your interactions.

Did you like the picture of the tree?  It is from awesome Unsplash.com from Fabrice Villard.